Faux First Church
Faux, Florida · Est. 1971 · Pronounced "Fox"

Come as you are. We did.

Faux First Church is a real church in a real town with a steeple three feet short, a carpet that caused a split, and a pastor who makes his own banners at two in the morning. The coffee is on. It is Folgers.

Sundays · 9:30 AM & 11:00 AMThe 11:00 is the oneNursery provided
Plan a visitThis Sunday: Anchored
Pastor Dale Honeycutt, smiling, in a brown plaid sport coat, white shirt, and mustard knit tie, with amber aviator glasses and a full mustache, photographed against a mottled brown church-directory backdrop.
Pastor Dale Honeycutt
Dalepastordale.org
Faux First Church
NOW HIRING
CREATIVE PESON
ASK FOR BEV
The sign out front · changed by Bev, Mondays

The R has been missing since August.

Every message on the sign has been written around it. If you have the R, we would like it back. No questions asked. The sign changes on its own below, the way it does in town, except faster.

Memo from Bev: the sign is not broken. The sign is missing an R. These are different problems.

New fall series · Starts Sunday, October 18 · 11:00 AM

Anchored

Setting Sail... in a Desert Season

"We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure."Hebrews 6:19

Faux Spring dried up in 1958 and the town kept the name. Sixty-eight years is a long desert season. For six Sundays this fall, Pastor Dale is preaching through what holds when nothing else does. There is a whale on the banner. He has his reasons.

QR code linking to pastordale.org
One of those scanny code squares. Point your phone at it. It goes to pastordale.org, where the sermons will be, once Gary figures out the recorder.
Pastor Dale preaching from a wooden pulpit beneath the Anchored banner in a wood-paneled sanctuary, with the painted Jordan River baptistry mural behind him and a congregation of silver-haired heads in the foreground.
Sunday, 11:00. The banner, the pulpit, the Jordan bending the wrong way. It has always bent that way. Lorraine is in the choir.
Six Sundays · 11:00 AM · The 9:30 also exists
  • OCT 18
    Drop AnchorHebrews 6:19
  • OCT 25
    Hoist the Mainsail (Whatever That Is)Isaiah 43:19, a way in the wilderness
  • NOV 1
    Red Sky at MorningMatthew 16:2-3
  • NOV 8
    Camels Are Ships TooPsalm 63:1, a dry and weary land
  • NOV 15
    A Whale of a TimeJonah 2
  • NOV 22
    HarborPsalm 107:29-30, guided to their desired haven
Pastor Dale leaning over the Anchored banner on a cluttered worktable, brush in hand, touching up the whale, with paint cups and brass grommets around him.
Thursday, 2:14 AM. The banner printer needed it by 7. It was there by 6:40. He touched up the whale by hand. Nobody asked him to.
Our story · Mostly real since 1971

Somewhere along the way, church got a lighting rig.

We noticed it too. The fog machines, the countdown clocks, the pastors in sneakers that cost more than our van. We drove past a church last spring with a coffee bar called The Well, and we sat in the parking lot a while and prayed about it, and then we went home and made a pot of Folgers.

Here is what we have. A steeple that came in three feet short in 1977 because the money ran out, and we kept it, because it reaches. Carpet in a color called Harvest Gold that caused a split in 1983 and still looks fine. A fellowship hall with folding tables that have held forty years of casseroles and at least one baptism when the pipes froze. A pastor who makes his own banners at two in the morning in a plaid jacket, and means every word on them.

You do not have to have it together to come here. We never did. You can come in the clothes you have and sit in the pew with the squeak and sing a little flat, and somebody named Bev will know your name by the second Sunday. The gospel was getting people through desert seasons a long time before anybody put it on a screen. It still works on a felt letterboard. It still works on us.

The empty sanctuary at nine in the morning: wooden pews with orange cushions, Harvest Gold carpet, amber light through the windows, the Jordan River mural at the front.
The sanctuary, 9:00 AM. The light is gone by 11, which is the service people come to.
Close-up of amber and orange dalle-de-verre stained glass, thick chunks of glass set in dark mortar, lit from behind.
Dalle-de-verre, 1972. Amber on purpose. One red chunk, also on purpose, nobody remembers whose.
The fellowship hall casserole line: folding tables with brown laminate tops loaded with foil pans, Styrofoam cups, and a line of congregants waiting with plates.
Potluck, 11:52 AM. The casserole line forms to the left. Nobody decided this. It simply is.
A white 1994 Ford E-350 fifteen-passenger van with FAUX FIRST CHURCH on its side, parked at sunset beside the church, with a water tower painted like an orange in the distance.
The van, 212,000 miles. The water tower, painted like an orange four times. The orange gets rounder each time.
3 FTshort, the steeple. Kept. It reaches.
7 to 6the carpet vote, 1979. Harvest Gold wins.
1983the Avocado faction crosses the street. Still friends.
212Kmiles on the van. Big Dale changes the oil.
61°the new building, since the AC got fixed.
1R, missing from the sign since August.
1921

Faux is incorporated. Spelled Faux. Pronounced Fox. The town has been explaining this since.

1958

The spring dries up. The town keeps the name and adds a bench.

1971

Faux First meets for the first time in the old packing house. Rev. Harlan Honeycutt preaches fifty-five minutes. Nobody leaves.

1972

The sanctuary is built. Lorraine paints the baptistry mural from a postcard. The Jordan bends west.

1977

The steeple campaign, "Reach for the Sky," comes in three feet short. Kept.

1979

The carpet vote. Harvest Gold over Avocado, seven to six.

1983

The Avocado faction forms Faux Second Church across the street. We share a parking lot on Easter and a softball league in June.

2004

Dale Honeycutt, Harlan's son, becomes Senior Pastor. He designs his first banner that night.

2019

The church gets an iPad. Every email now ends "Sent from my iPad."

2026

The fall series pivots to Anchored on a Thursday. The banner is done by Friday. On Friday morning, for the first time, the church is hiring a creative person.

Harvest Gold carpet filling the frame, worn to a lighter traffic lane down the center, one dropped attendance pencil.
Harvest Gold, 1979. The traffic lane runs to the left. See potluck.
One wooden pew with an orange cushion, a burgundy hymnal, a peppermint, and a strip of tape at a seam in the cushion.
Row six, aisle side. The squeak. Everyone knows which pew. Nobody fixes it, because then how would you find it.
Our staff · Church directory, 2026 edition

Somebody named Bev will know your name by the second Sunday.

Portraits by the same photographer who did the 1977 directory. He is still in business. He still has the backdrop.

Pastor Dale Honeycutt, hands folded, plaid sport coat and mustard tie, directory portrait.
Pastor Dale HoneycuttSenior Pastor · since 2004 · Banner Dept.Grew up in this church. Baptized in the wrong-way Jordan. Has made every banner since 2004 and would like you to know the coffee is on.
Sharon Honeycutt, dark hair, rust blouse and cream cardigan, holding a stack of sticky notes, directory portrait.
Sharon HoneycuttOfficial title: none · Actual title: everythingRuns the nursery schedule, the funeral meals, the Christmas pageant, and Dale. Communicates in sticky notes.
Ms. Bev Tillman, silver hair set, pink bow blouse and tan cardigan, holding a tissue, directory portrait.
Ms. Bev TillmanChurch Secretary · since 1979Keeper of the key, the sign letters, and the percolator. Types her memos. Has never touched the iPad. Voted Harvest Gold.
Gary Ledbetter, graying beard, short-sleeve shirt and brown tie, holding an acoustic guitar, directory portrait.
Gary LedbetterMinister of MusicFour chords and the Lord. Has led How Great Thou Art every Sunday for nineteen years. It has never once been requested.
Tanner Boyd, mid-twenties, green polo shirt, smiling, directory portrait.
Tanner BoydYouth Pastor · age 26The only staff member born after the carpet vote. Has suggested a screen twice. Owns the church's only pair of sneakers.
Big Dale Honeycutt, mustache, blue work shirt, holding a worn ball cap, directory portrait.
"Big Dale" HoneycuttDeacon Chairman · Big Dale's Tire & LubeVotes no on screens. Votes no on fog. Painted the PASTOR parking sign in 2004 from memory, correctly.
Dave and H, creative unpaid interns, denim jacket and patterned sweater, directory portrait.
Dave & HCreative Unpaid Interns · since last TuesdayFound through the sign. Paid in peppermints and leftover potluck. Dave is on the left. H is on the right. Nobody has asked what the H stands for.
This could be you.Must know what a vector is.
Creative Person (Designer)Open · Ask for BevThe first new position at Faux First since Tanner. See below. Bring a portfolio. Bring a sweater.
The Faux First staff in two rows against wood paneling: Bev, Gary, Dale, Big Dale, Tanner and Sharon, with the Anchored banner behind them.
The staff, Harvest Gold carpet, two rows. Taken Thursday before the elders met. Nobody knew about the pivot yet. Dale did.
Now hiring · Faux First Church · Faux, Florida

Creative People. Designer.

Faux First Church is seeking a creative person. Must know Photoshop, or a program like it. Must know what a vector is. Pastor Dale has heard about these.

Responsibilities include:

  • The banner. All banners. There are many banners.
  • The bulletin, the sign letters, and finding the R.
  • The website, which a youth built in 2011.
  • The Facebook. Also the slides, once Tanner wins.
  • Making Pastor Dale's ideas pop while keeping them reverent. Modern but timeless. Nothing trendy, but fresh. Not too churchy, but clearly biblical.
  • Knowing which font is from the movie.

Hours: Sunday through Saturday, plus the occasional 7:00 AM banner printer deadline. Compensation: competitive for Faux. Includes a desk in the study, wood-paneled, use of the grommet press, and all the Folgers you can drink.

To apply: fill out the form, or come by the office. Ask for Bev. Do not email. The iPad is Pastor Dale's.

ASK FOR BEVASK FOR BEVASK FOR BEVASK FOR BEVASK FOR BEVASK FOR BEVASK FOR BEVASK FOR BEV
Ms. Bev's hands at the sign's letter box, sliding a black plastic letter into a white track, the R pocket of the letter box empty.
Bev, Monday, 7:15 AM. The R pocket, empty since August. She has stopped looking. She has not stopped minding.

Application for Employment

Form 1 of 1. Bev will type your answers onto a card. Please print clearly, which does not apply here, but she asked.

Email is not collected. The iPad is Pastor Dale's.
1Bev
Application received.Bev has it. She has read it. She will call you, probably Tuesday, after she changes the sign. Do not call her first. She knows.
Plan a visit · Nursery provided · Opinions, also provided

Turn at the orange.

If you pass the Piggly Wiggly, you went too far. If you reach the Dairy Queen, stop, get a cone, and come back. We are the one with the steeple that is three feet short and the sign that is missing an R.

When
  • SUN
    9:30 AM · The early oneSame sermon, more light through the glass, fewer people. Gary is warmed up by the end.
  • SUN
    11:00 AM · The oneThis is the service. Pastor Dale, the choir, Lorraine, the pew with the squeak.
  • WED
    6:30 PM · Faux First YouthIn the new building. It is 61 degrees. Tanner has sweaters.
  • 1ST SUN
    PotluckAfter the 11:00. Bring a dish. Bring a friend. Bring a dish for the friend.
Where
1 Church Street
Faux, Florida1 Church Street, Faux, FL. Across from Faux Second Church. Park anywhere except PASTOR.

Directions in Bev's words: come in on the county road, turn at the water tower that looks like an orange, and we are on the left. Big Dale's Tire & Lube is on the right if you need it, and you might.

What to expect

Dress. You will see a plaid jacket. You do not need one. Come in the clothes you have.

Coffee. Folgers, from the percolator, in a Styrofoam cup. It was always Folgers.

Kids. Nursery provided, staffed by Sharon's list. Older kids sit with you and get a peppermint from Bev.

Singing. Hymnals, burgundy, 1975 edition. You may sing a little flat. Most of us do.

Length. Pastor Dale preaches thirty-five minutes. His father preached fifty-five. Progress.

The tan-brick A-frame church at golden hour with a white steeple, the changeable-letter sign reading NOW HIRING, CREATIVE PE SON, ASK FOR BEV, a PASTOR parking space, and the water tower painted like an orange behind the palms.
Faux First Church, 1 Church Street. The steeple is three feet short. The sign is one R short. We are not short on parking.
The welcome table: a stack of bulletins, hymnals, a bowl of peppermints, a sign-in sheet with a pen on a chain, and a fan of Anchored bulletin inserts.
The welcome table. Sign the book. Take a peppermint. The pen is on a chain for reasons that predate everyone here.